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cleveland, ohio :: december 2011
so i’ve been doing some thinking. this being the 23rd chapter in my life, it’s time for changes. i’m not talking about the get in shape, try a new style, kind of changes. those are well and good, but i need a change of mind. i’ve always heard you are your own worse enemy and it couldn’t be truer. i am limiting myself. i have held back. i have been to scared to really give it my all. and you know what, that has really hurt me. i’m anxious. i hardly sleep. i’m short tempered. i’m lethargic. my creativity is null and void. what happened to me? i used to be flexible, easy going, unflappable, a creative powerhouse. i feel like a shadow of who i was even just a year ago. yes, i have had it pretty rough in the past year, but it shouldn’t have knocked be back this far. the conclusion i came to is i am doing it to myself. it’s not a revelatory notion but it doesn’t make it any less true. i am consistently very hard on myself. i set the bar for myself too high that when i don’t live up to my own expectations, it’s not pretty.
so it being year 23, i’ve decided to give myself a break. i give myself permission to make mistakes, to not be perfect all the time, to not be so strong all the time, to just enjoy being myself again. granted, i can’t change overnight and it most definitely won’t be easy. I need time to heal and rekindle my old self.
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